![](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8f/Snow_White_and_the_Huntsman_Poster.jpg)
![](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e6/Mirror_Mirror_FilmPoster.jpeg)
I'm a guy who goes to a lot of movies and keeps up with movie news, which lets me notice what trends are popular in film. I've seen the parody phase, the penguin phase, and just recently the vampire phase. Stemming from that one is where we're at now: the revisionist fable phase.
2010's Red Riding Hood behind us and this year we've got two (TWO!) remodels of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, plus a Pinocchio flick in development, "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters", and not one, not two, not four, but THREE (THREE!) variations on The Wizard of Oz coming to us, it's clear that this trend is proving popular. It's pretty easy to see why: revisionist fables take familiar stories (childrens fairy tales, usually done by Disney) and add superficially adult trappings (sex, violence, post-modern sense of humor, etc.), enticing the profitable tween and teen demographics with stories that are seemingly risque but familiar. To put it in simpler terms:
(Disney flick + Sex + Violence) x Taking itself too seriously / Twilight = PROFIT!
And I would be nothing if not someone who can take a trend and throw my own shitty version into the ring. So here they are, my random ideas for revisionist fables. Enjoy!
Pinocchio - The toymaker Gepetto is now in the pocket of a fascist regime, forced to build puppets for their propaganda shows. However, a resistance led by the enigmatic 'Blue Fairy' use the illegal practice of magic to bring one of his puppets to life, the titular Pinocchio, to act as a spy for the resistance. Pinocchio eventually begins to question his father's morality and that of the resistance and must decide for himself where is true loyalty lies.
Cinderella - Abused emotionally by her stepmother and physically by her stepsisters, Cinderella eventually gets a chance at happiness by using satanism and black magic to escape her home and go to the ball held by the royal family where she strikes a relationship with the princess. Yes, Cinderella is now a lesbian. It's edgy!
Sleeping Beauty - Briar Rose has been cursed to eternal slumber, and the only way for her to wake up is for Leonardo Dicaprio to navigate her dreams and break the spell. [Insert tumpet blast here]
Jack and the Beanstalk - After his expedition of the Cloud Kingdoms, theft of the goose that lays the golden eggs, and 'slaying' of the giant, Jack now lives a celebrity lifestyle, the world unaware that he won everything through theft and trickery. However, a contingent of knights recruit Jack to take them back into clouds and exterminate the giants who they believe are preparing to avenge their fallen brother. Also, there's a metaphor for Iraq in it somewhere.
The Three Little Pigs - The pigs are now hot young women and the Big Bad Wolf is an evil but sexy wizard. There's some sex, some magic...I don't know, someone else finish it for me.
The Pied Piper of Hamelin - Thirteen years after the Piper kidnapped and killed the children of Hamelin, the three children who survived because of their disabilities (but they're still sexy teens) take up arms to hunt down the man who almost wiped out their town. In the end the deaf one dies and the blind one hooks up with the gimpy one. Maybe it's a musical too.
Peter Pan - Same story, execpt they're teenagers, the Lost Boys are now girls, there's a whole lot more sex, and Captain Hook's trying to shut down the rec center or something.
And thats all I got for now. If any of those go into production, I'm gonna sue somebody.
No comments:
Post a Comment