My history with the Harry Potter book series is...boring, really, but I feel its worth mentioning. Without wishing to sound like a hipster, I started reading Harry Potter before it was cool and continued to do so for the first four books. However, my ADD kicked in during book five and I wound up dropping it and the series, although I did keep up with important plot points and the movies.
Cut to Fall 2010: Harry Potter and That One Time Him and His Friends Wandered Through the Woods for Six Months Saying "I Sure Hope Voldemort Doesn't Get Us" has hit theatres and made the standard buttload of money. I, meanwhile, feel like catching up on the series before movie 8 and, still owning the hardcovers, decide to do just that. So for the next two months I ran through all seven and walked away both appreciating the series and noticing more than a few plotholes and unanswered questions. And what better place to put them then on this blog? Well, my facebook page for one, but that's beside the point. Here now, for the second time ever, are my Potter Plotholes (for the record, there will be spoilers, but since this is Harry Potter you either already know them by now or don't care):
Why don't the wizards carry guns?
During the war against Voldemort, at no point did we hear any mention of wizards using muggle weapons against Death Eaters. Now, in many ways, this makes sense: there's something of a Berlin Wall between magic and non-magic, gun control in the U.K. is pretty strict, the main characters are underage, etc. However, it can be assumed that several adult, muggle-born wizards were part of the fight; why didn't it occur to any of them to utilize firearms? Surely the Death Eaters, the majority of whom know nothing of muggle technology, wouldn't be able to counteract a gun. Plus, how badass would it be to have a dude with a magic wand in one hand and an AK-47 in the other? Think about it. Actually, someone should draw that, I wanna know what it'd look like.
Why does Hogwarts security suck?
In Harry Potter and the Eventful Beginning, Harry and company discover that the fabled Sorceror's/Philosopher's/Cellular Stone has been sequestered away in one of the many hidden chambers of Hogwarts School. The trio, deciding "Screw the adults, we're eleven, we know what to do", go to find it so they can protect it from Voldemort. To get to it, however, they must go through a series of traps, designed so that nobody can get to the end unless they already know the solution to each puzzle...and the kids get through without breaking a sweat. You see the problem here?
The traps are as follows: a Cerebus, which is defeated when the kids play some music and it falls asleep, a solution they got out of their semi-retarded groundskeeper pal. Fair enough.
Next comes a giant plant, the solution against it being a spell. They know which spell to use because the plant was taught to them in class. So the knowledge required to get past this trap is taught to FRESHMEN. That's bad planning.
Next comes a room full of flying keys, only one of which opens the next door. Alright, not bad...except they LEAVE FLYING BROOMSTICKS WITH WHICH TO CATCH THE KEYS. Hogwarts kinda fails at security, don't it?
Next comes a troll that's already been knocked by the last guy who came through. No challenge there. The fault remains, however, that that very troll was already knocked unconcious earlier in the book by the most incompetent of the main three characters. Fantastic.
Next comes a giant game of chess. Interesting and visually interesting idea, but the AI is, again, beaten by a freshmen. Bit of bad programming there, Staff of Hogwarts.
Next comes a logic puzzle: seven potions are laid out, with a riddle saying which will do which; either let them pass ahead, send them back to start, kill them, turn them into a newt, etc. The reasoning behind this is that because wizards solve everything with magic, they won't have the reasoning skills to work out a riddle. But, yet again, it's solved by a freshman. Fantastic.
Finally, there's the magic mirror: the stone is inside it and the only person who can take it is someone who wants to have the stone without using it for its alchemic purposes. This is the only one that actually works and its fitting that its the last one.
So, in summation: Hogwarts fails at security. Good to know the future of the wizarding world is in their hands.
Why can the basilisk move through Hogwarts?
In Harry Potter and the Thinly-Veiled Nazism, a monster of undetermined origin has escaped from the Chamber of Secrets and is attacking students. This monster is revealed to be a basilisk, a giant snake monster that's been living underneath the school for some indeterminate number of centuries and has been navigating the school unseen via the plumbing system. So the question then becomes why are the pipes so damn big? Did nobody ever bring that up during construction? Did none of the contractors who built the castle ever ask why their snake-worshipping white-supremacist client wanted pipes that could accomodate a 25-foot snake monster and that led into his secret underground cave where he could conceivable keep a 25-foot snake monster? And did indoor plumbing even exist in the 9th century when this castle was built?
Why did nobody get in trouble for the Chamber of Secrets?
Continuing on from book 2, we find out that the Chamber was opened because one of the students at Hogwarts was possessed by the magical diary of Voldemort's teenage self. Said magical diary was given to her by former Death Eater Lucius Malfoy, for the purpose of...I dunno, being a dick to the Weasley's or something. Afterwards, the main characters confirm that this happened and he all but admits it...so why didn't anyone turn him in on it? Possession of a contraband object, attempted second-degree murder, generally being a dick; hell, Dobby the House-Elf knew all of this happened and, after being freed, had no obligation to keep his masters secrets. The little guy probably has loads of dirt on the Malfoys. Why not come forward with that?
Why didn't Harry quit the Triwizard Tournament?
In Harry Potter and the Unwanted Foreigners, Harry is drafted into an illustrious international wizarding tournament, despite the fact that he's the fourth competitor in what's meant to be a three-person contest and is underage. He still has to compete in the tournament because its the rules so shut up. However, during the final leg of the competition, a giant magical hedge maze, contestants are given the opportunity to forfeit. So why didn't Harry? He knows he's been entered under false pretenses and he knows someone's probably trying to kill him (people have been pulling that crap since he was a baby), so why didn't he just opt out as soon as he was two feet in? He'd save the wizarding world a lot of trouble when Voldemort didn't come back, I can tell you that much.
Whew. I think that's enough for now, don't you? This was fun, I'll have to try it again some time. Later!
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